1. My Dog – The Fed Ex dude is here again. Don’t worry… I’m on it.
2. My Mother – Why aren’t you answering my phone calls? Why aren’t you responding to me!! I found an ant in the kitchen. I think it means something! Is it a sign? I think it's a sign. Why aren’t you answering me??? I Love You, Mom.
3. The Man Who Captured My Heart – What’s for dinner?
4. Random Editor At Random Magazine – You are awesome. We love you. We’ll pay you two grand a month to type the alphabet and use lots of “ly” words.
5. The Pekin Duck I Feed In The Backyard Every Morning – I didn’t get enough corn. When are you coming back? And your dog won’t shut up. I can’t lay eggs under this kind of pressure.
6. My Man’s Eighteen Year Old Son – What am I supposed to get Dad for Fathers Day?
7. My Man’s Twenty Two Year Old Daughter – What am I supposed to get Dad for Fathers Day?
8. My Neighbor – That duck is crapping all over your back porch.
9. My Other Neighbor – That duck is pooping on your back porch again.
10. The Man Who Captured My Heart – Why haven’t you answered me? What’s for dinner tonight?
11. My Sister – F******g call Mom.